Archive May 26, 2018

Why don’t marriages work?

Why don't marriages work

Gone are the days when marriage was a lifelong commitment. Broken marriages are a new part of society. What an irony, divorces are in trend. People start thinking about the terms and condition to be applied in case of divorce in the future at the time of the wedding itself. Many people enter into marriages with the thought that if I am not happy then I can take divorce anytime. Marriage has become a “Trial and Error” concept. It’s not a commitment anymore. If one of the partners is abusive and violent then it’s a different scenario. It’s a serious matter. No one should live in such marriages but what about the rest.

Some people even take divorce because his wife doesn’t cook well or his wife earns more than him, or the husband doesn’t earn much or doesn’t help with household chores. Sometimes both partners feel that there is no spark left between them like in the early days of a relationship. They lose charm and interest in marriage. This then leads them towards divorce. Few couples always focus on do’s and don’ts to save their marriage. They forget to check “why their marriage is not working”. Once you know where the problem is it’s easy to solve the problem.

So let’s find out what can be the reason which can force you to end your marriage:

Ego

Here is the devil; the big “I”. These days everyone has a huge ego. Everyone thinks that he/she is the best. He/she is always right. Ego is all about excessive self-importance and selfish behavior. Relationships are mostly affected by this ego. As every person feels that he/she is the most important than the other. Everyone thinks “I am always right”; “I deserve to be happy”; “My happiness matters more than the others”; “the other person should always agree to what I say”.

When an argument happens between couples, none of them wants to keep the ego aside and listen to what the other person is saying and feeling. Marriage is about loving each other. But if ego is there then love can’t happen. And without love, marriage does not stand a chance. Ego leads to arguments, disagreements, and anger towards each other. Everyone thinks that the other person should bend down. We care only about ourselves. We don’t pay any heed to what the other person is going through.

Letting go

We have not been taught the art of letting go. We take everything personally, what others say. If we get into argument or have a fight with someone, we don’t forget these bitter experiences. We keep on carrying them with us. We don’t let it go. We don’t release those memories. Anger is suppressed. Slowly, over time, these bitter memories collect inside us. Until one day it becomes an erupting volcano and blasts.

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How to be more Dateable

Be more dateable

These days every man wants to be ‘Desirable’. To reach this goal people go to the gym to get a perfect physique, go to salons to get a trendy haircut or beard. They follow the routines of film stars to become like one. In all this hustle and bustle, they forget to follow the basic rules to get a good personality. Although in this era, people have easy access to knowledge through the internet, still some of them don’t understand as to what are they doing wrong which makes other people, especially the other gender to keep away from them. If you think you are one of them then this article will definitely help you out.

Here I would like to share some of my thoughts over it. Below are some points to keep in mind when you are trying to achieve your target of being “Dateable”.

1. Basic Hygiene Rules

  • Take a shower and brush your teeth before stepping out of the house.
  • Use body-wash or shower gel instead of soap. As harsh surfactants in the soap can dehydrate your skin, which makes your skin dry.
  • Keep your nails clean. You can use a toothbrush to clean them every day while taking a shower.
  • Always wear clean innerwear. It makes you feel good and boost your confidence.
  • Comb your hair properly. Have them cut on time. A good measure (for short hairs) is when your hairline touches your ear, then it’s time for a haircut.
  • If you have long hair then keep them clean and properly settled. Choose a hairstyle which suits your face and personality, rather than what is in trend. Hairstyle plays an important rule when someone meets you.
  • Use body perfume according to your style and body fragrance. Because perfumes mix with your skin oils and body fragrances when you wear it. Make sure that they make a good smell after mixing together.
  • If you keep beard then keep it trimmed and combed. Cut your mustache on a regular basis. Don’t let it fall on your lips and cover them. It looks very unhygienic.
  • Wash your mouth after eating anything to avoid bad breath. Visit your dentist on a regular basis for the regular checkup and avoid Pan Masala. They are a huge turn off for most people.
  • Keep cardamom in your pocket in case you are prone to have bad breath.
  • Don’t burp in front of others.
  • Wear clean clothes. If your white shirt is no-more white then don’t wear it. You might think that no one notices it, but trust me it’s the other way around.
  • Dandruff is strictly a no-no. Get medical treatment immediately if you are having dandruff.
  • Wear clean and fresh socks every time you step out of your house.
  • Carry travel toothbrush and small toothpaste along with a body spray in your office bag.
  • Always carry a clean handkerchief.

These are some basic hygiene and grooming rules. Are you thinking that everyone learns these during childhood? But some forget to follow them or find these useless or outdated. In fact, I have seen many people not paying attention to these basics. Though you may think that they are not important, from your opposite gender’s point of views, they play a vital role. When you meet someone, she is going to notice all these; consciously or subconsciously she will. Don’t take these lightly.

2. Be organized

Keep everything well organized on your table and in the office. It leaves a good impact on others. Anyone would be impressed to see how well organized you are. It will keep your work uninterrupted too. It is said that well-organized people are good in a relationship too and generally good to be with.

3. Be Polite

Be polite and kind. Keep your speed slow while talking. Do tongue exercise daily for better speech. Ensure that other person can understand as well as to what you are saying. Don’t use harsh words. One of the important aspects of being polite is to be respectful of the other person’s choices. For example, I have seen many men that they don’t offer their female friends to choose the restaurant or choose food according to their taste. Sometimes they even force them to eat or drink what they think is best at a particular place without asking her likes or dislikes. It is quite rude behavior. If you really want someone to like your company, then offer them the best choices available but let them choose. Don’t impose your choices on others. It shows that you care about the happiness of the other person.

4. Be a good person at heart

There is no substitute for a golden heart. Be empathetic and be genuinely helpful to others. Bring calmness inside you. Be a person on whom people can rely. Don’t manipulate others and take advantage of others benevolent nature. Be trustworthy. Visualize the person with whom you would like to be; then do a self-check, whether you yourself are of that kind. We tend to attract identical kind of people in our lives similar to our own self.

5. Bragging is not appreciated

Don’t show off your expensive accessories or electronic gadgets. Keep your ringtone mild and not very loud. Also, don’t keep the latest Bollywood item songs as your ringtone. All this express narcissistic personality which you are not (I hope so).

6. Some Basics While Sitting at Public Places

Sit with your back straight to look more confident. Don’t disturb other people on other tables with your loud voice. It can make another person who is accompanying you feel awkward. Don’t embarrass others by using abusive language. Don’t smoke in “No Smoking Zones”.

Follow proper cutlery rules while taking meals. There is plenty of video on the internet for these. But for starters remember one golden rule Knife on the right hand (each word with five alphabets) and fork on the left hand (each word with four alphabets)”. It’s not about showing off others that how much you know them; but these are to be followed to show respect towards others.

7. Work on your posture

Do back exercises and planks for a better posture. Many people are not even aware that they sit and stand in the wrong posture. Your posture can tell many things about your personality. So don’t give away yourself with wrong postures. Simple good postures can bring in a lot of subconscious level confidence in you.

8. Walk with Pride

Always walk with pride like a lion. Keep watching your breath. Breathe slowly in and out. It will help you to relax in every situation. Walk straight with shoulders pulled back and backbone straight. Don’t walk too fast or too slow; Keep a balance.

9. Smile

Keep a smile on your face. The smile is contagious. If you have a smile on your face then other people will definitely smile back. Make it your favorite. Keep reminding yourself to smile until it becomes part of your nature. A smile can win many hearts. Do not fake a smile. It should come from the inside. A fake smile can be noticed very easily and can turn people around away from you.

10. Eye contact

Don’t hide your eyes from others. It makes you look less confident. Keep eye contact with everyone you talk and meet. If you are having trouble keeping eye contact, then you can try this – remember to observe the eye color of the other person. You can focus on either of the eyes.

11. Positive thoughts

Keep thinking of positive thoughts about yourself. Feel good inside. Do diaphragmatic breathing meditation. Stay away from negative emotions. Respect yourself and show respect towards others too. Create confident thoughts instead of thinking negative. Develop a positive attitude. Give respect and earn respect.

12. Manage your fear

Fear is one of the major factors which influence your overall personality. If you have fear inside you then it’s high time to work on it. Let go of all the fears. Don’t let these fears gobble up your good features. Sit silently and watch the fear inside you. Breathe in and out slowly and deeply. Feel as if you are releasing those fears one by one.

Try doing things what you are afraid of. For eg, some people are afraid of public speaking; To let go of these fears you should actually join some local group and practice speaking in a group.  You will be fearful until you try them. When you will do these, the fear will go away. And who knows sometimes these fears can bring up some real changes in you. You might start enjoying your new-found habits.

13. Gestures

Greet people with a smile and positivity. Don’t keep hands in your pocket while talking. It shows “I don’t care” attitude. Be a good listener and show your interest in the conversation. Don’t shake your leg. It shows that you are not comfortable in the meeting and feeling nervous. Learn to shake hand correctly and firmly, neither too tight nor too light. Look into the eyes of the other person and have a warm smile on your face while you are shaking hand with the other person.

14. Develop a dressing style

These days people are more into following the latest trends without understanding whether these clothes would be good according to their body type or not. Don’t fall for this. Following is not always such a good idea. Learn about what looks good on you. For eg, which shirt suits you best? – Checks or lining or a solid color or printed. What kind of trousers should you choose? For eg Boot length / Ankle length. Be specific about shoes. Like which kind of shoes go with a particular dress/attire. Don’t ever wear sports shoes everywhere except for the gym or sports. To develop your own dressing style. Dressing style depends upon your height, size, and your profession.

15. Develop a confident lifestyle

Instigate confidence in your lifestyle. Positive thinking about yourself and respect toward your own body will help you to develop confidence. Don’t pay so much heed as to on what other people think about you. Some people may place their opinion in your mind. Don’t get confused with it. Don’t let other people decide your capabilities. Keep an open mind about yourself. You may not be able to do so many things because you have never tried it. So try new things without hesitation.

Don’t let the self-doubt come in the way to achieve new achievements. You can try this, select music of your choice and keep playing in your mind while walking. Music is a very helpful tool to make you feel confident inside. Bring confidence in everything you do. Practice at home. Eat with confidence, sit with confidence, and talk with confidence. Live confidence. BE CONFIDENT YOU. Once you start leading a confident lifestyle, people around you will also start noticing. You will see that shine of confidence in your eyes.

 

These above are all those features what a girl notices in a man. Girls like to be with a confident man with appropriate manners and chivalry, who can take care of them, on whom they can rely upon, with whom they feel happy. So don’t be childish anymore. Be a true gentleman. Learn all these not only to prove yourself or to impress others but also to show respect towards others and show how much you care for others feeling. Make all these part of your personality.

After practicing for a while, you will start living with it as these habits will get imbibed inside you. These all will become your nature. Include all these in your lifestyle not only when you are out of your house but inside the house too. Girls really love to show off their dates. No one is perfect, but trying to be at your best is much admired. So be dateable before throwing yourself in the game. If you are already in the game then improvisation is always welcomed.

P.S. – These are all my own observations and preferences. There are possibilities of many more criteria. Use your own imagination. Suggestions from friends are always recommended because they know you better. However, some girls may accept you for exactly what you are. These are exceptions and exceptions are always there in all aspects of life. But finding such girls is similar to finding the white unicorn these days.

How to deal with Depression

How to fight with Depression

These days a large number of people are facing ‘Depression’. Depression is a state of mind, in other words, a psychological disorder when you feel anxiety and negative thoughts come across the mind every moment. Has it ever happened that you felt your life has no meaning?  You face mood swings and you start losing interest in everything you liked before. You start feeling that you have no friends.  Your family doesn’t love you anymore.  You have lost your purpose in life. You don’t feel happy at all about anything in your life. You are not satisfied with your job or relationship. You are financially broke. You have lost your charm. You have no one to share all these feelings.  You find no way to cure and to come out of your situation.

The reason for the depression can be anything psychological or biological or the combination of both. If it’s temporary emotional low phase then you don’t need to worry, but if these feelings persist for a very long time, then you should take help from professionals. Other than that you will have to work with your willpower to cure yourself. Would you feel a bit relieved if I tell you that everyone faces this period or stage at least once in a lifetime? Where they feel that they are alone and no one is there beside them. You’re not alone, my friend. My own experience? I would say that depression is totally overrated. It is just that you have used your own thoughts against yourself. To treat depression you just need to use your own thoughts in your favor. If you work with your willpower then you need little medication, with the right approach to come out of the situation.

All you need to do is to:

  1. Spend time with family & friends

    Spend as much as time you can spend with your family & friends. Share whatever you feel with at least one person whom you can trust. Open up and talk as much as you can. Keep yourself busy with others. I understand that it is the most difficult thing to do in such a condition. You may not even feel to come out of bed. But you will have to. For your own sake and your health. This is the initial step to take and reach out for help. Family and friends are the first ones we can rely on during a tough time. No matter how much you feel to stay all alone back in your room, don’t pay much attention to this feeling. You make the feeling stronger by paying it attention; rather stay with your family and friends.

  2. Find a therapist

    If you can find a good therapist in your area then go to see him. Professional help is much needed in such a situation. Though a personal visit is preferable, if you can’t go personally then there is a lot of help available online. Just don’t stay dependent on medication. Don’t get the habit rather do some efforts on your own. Medication can give a kickstart and a therapist can only advise you on what to do. You and only you can help yourself and all the vigorous endeavor has to be done by you only.

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