Archive June 27, 2018

FEAR

How to get rid of Fear

Fear exists in our mind and is expressed everywhere in our behavior subconsciously. Fear is always there in every aspect of our life. From where does this fear come into our lives? You may have noticed that babies don’t have any fear. In the early days, children are not scared of anything. No one is born with fear.

Fear becomes part of us while growing up. Children are mostly filled up with their fear while in their upbringing. When parents need to get something done by children, they make them scared of unknown things or punishment;  like, finish your food otherwise you will grow up weak; follow hygiene rules or else you will get sick; if you don’t obey your parents then god will become angry with you; if you don’t listen to us then we will not talk to you or fulfill any of your wishes and so on.

Thus fear takes birth in the innocent heart of the child. Fear of losing parent’s love, fear of God, fear of becoming sick and many more like that. When you grow up, the fear also grows bigger and deeper in your senses. It enslaves your desire to fly, to jump into the unknown, to try something new. Due to this very fear, few people become successful. Due to this fear, many youngsters choose careers in something which they don’t like at all. Because of this fear, people stop following their heart.

Let’s explore some these fear and find out how to overcome them:

1. Fear of being judged

This fear gets birth when your parents start judging your intelligence with your behavior when you are a child. When a child holds onto books too much, then parents start imagining that their child will become a scholar; if she/he plays with football, then everyone around will speak about a child becoming a football player and there is a long list of activities.

Although the child is just playing because he is playful. A child plays with everything and whatever is around her/him. But people around the child will start finding the reasons behind that playfulness. Then the child subconsciously starts analyzing how people are judging him/her. Slowly – slowly the playfulness becomes intentionally conveying the message.

Now the child knows how to convince people on something and how to hide what is inside his / her heart so that no one will judge him or her. Thus the child starts living according to what others think of her/him. To overcome this fear, you will have to open your heart and listen to what it says. Start to follow your heart than your mind and act accordingly. Your heart can show you the true path. Be genuinely empathetic and let your heart speak freely.

2. Fear of Darkness

Darkness is a natural phenomenon, yet many are scared of it. This fear originates from many places. During childhood, parents warn children not to go into darkness due to their protective nature. Another source is media and entertainment means. They keep on feeding people how darkness is related to bad energies and symbol of the demon.

Light is for God and positive energies. But if you can go deeper, then you come from darkness. Mother’ womb is dark, and there is no light in it and you spend nine months there. Darkness is part of our lives. Can you sleep in the light? No, you cannot. You need to make the room dark or wear an eye mask just to avoid that light to disturb your sleep. Darkness is needed to take rest.

Then how it can be bad for us. It is as much needed as light. Day and night are part of our very existence. As soon as you overcome this fear, you will be able to look inside your own self much easier, because that place is dark too. So learn to synchronize with darkness, face it. You will start noticing that fear will go away. Only because you cannot see anything in darkness does not mean that it is harmful. Darkness and light are the two sides of the same coin and it is very imperative that we embrace both of these.

3. Fear of Failure

Fear of Failure is the biggest reason why many people don’t take the first step towards success. Whenever you feel to do something in your life, usually the first question arises in your mind “what if I fail?”. Due to this fear, you feel demotivated and give up on the idea of taking your chance, to take the first step towards your objective.

“Where does this fear come from?” This fear comes when people around you, who assume that they know you and your powers well start giving you suggestions on some matter they don’t know about. These people think that they know better and they have a better experience. Their words create fear in you. Their words echo in your brain and make your decisions weak.

You start to think “What if they are right?” This fear holds you back and keeps you away from success. This fear gets stronger roots when these people are the ones whom you trust, whom you believe to be right. Your beliefs give strength to this fear. To overcome this fear, you have to drop your beliefs and follow what your heart says.

Don’t let this fear obsess you. Failure is nothing but a way to learn new things and gain experience. Once you keep this fear away then success will be yours. Don’t listen to what people have to say and believe in yourself. You know your capabilities, your target, your endurance better than others.

4. Fear of losing

The fear of losing generates within you with the idea of possession. The moment you start thinking that you possess something; the fear of losing takes birth. As you get scared of a minor thought what if someone takes that thing from you.

When you love someone, you start getting scared of losing him/her. What is this fear? Why are we scared? Nothing is permanent in this world. What did you bring when you were born? What will you take when you die? Neither had you brought something nor will you take something with you. People around you come in your life with a purpose.  They come and leave; as your parents give you birth and raise you.

Then comes your life partner and kids. What matters is the love what you give them. People can change but love is always there within you. People may come and go but love stays in your heart. Just like that materialistic things can be possessed only temporarily. You may lose it at any time.

So why to be afraid of losing them? Get rid of this fear of losing and live your life. Live the moment, enjoy these materialistic things but don’t bring this idea in your head that you possess them. You can never possess anything. Nothing belongs to you personally. They are just mode to live your life. So enjoy every single moment what you have got. When something or someone does not belong to you then there is no question of losing.

5. Fear of the unknown

This unknown can be anything like an unknown person or a place, a new thing, an opportunity, an activity. When you know something already then you are aware of its nature. So you feel comfortable while dealing with it. But if you don’t know about something, then you feel scared to deal with it. Because you don’t know the outcome; how will it affect you, what if something wrong happens? You keep on thinking. Everyone develops this fear due to their own basic nature i.e. self-protection/ survival.

You feel scared when any new opportunity knocks on your door when you are at a new place when you meet a new person. Nonetheless, if you grab the opportunity it may turn out to be fruitful to you. if you are at a new place it may become your favorite place after you visit it and if you meet a new person then he/she may become a lifelong friend after you get to know him/her.

But think about it that how many times you have missed a great opportunity, avoided visiting a new place, and dropped the idea of meeting that one person due to the fear of the unknown? Maybe countless times. So next whenever you get a chance to do any of above, jump into the unknown and take advantage and experience it fearlessly. Think about what can happen if you neglect any of the above. Remember you have nothing to lose.

6. Fear of getting hurt

This fear keeps you deprived of love, affection, and relationships. A relationship needs nourishment. When you don’t know the depth of your own self then you always feel scared to express your feelings.

You may keep your feelings in your heart but after a while, they actually bother you mentally and physically. To give love and nurture each other is the basic nature of humans. You cannot run or hide from it. So get out of this fear and love everyone around you. You must understand you get hurt only when you create a fantasized image of your loved one in your brain and start expecting them to behave as the image.

Accept people for who they are, what they are. It’s real-life, not a movie where you can write a script and tell others to behave according to the character or a role. Live your life as who you truly are. If you are emotional, then don’t hide or suppress your emotions. Rather go to the depth of it and discover from where they come.

You may be hiding them since childhood and later in life, they occasionally come to the surface. Same applies to others. Let other people be free and let them behave what they are. Don’t expect something that is not in their nature. A rose will always be a rose and a thorn will always be a thorn. Eventually, this fear will disappear and you will feel immense love flowing inside you.

To eliminate any kind of fear, I would ask you to go deeper and find out the root cause of the fear. Also, get to know the energy source to this root. Fear grows bigger only when you give energy to it. You do it by becoming fearful. Once you know the root, the source and start becoming fearless,

In the course of time, you commit to living fearlessly, then no fear can be an obstacle in your way. No fear will come to haunt you. Only those who have no fear always win whether in personal life, professional or spiritual.

Things about life I wish I knew sooner

Everyone knows that what we learn during our childhood becomes our character. To build a strong character we have been taught many things during our early years by our parents, teachers, and elders. We have been told numerous stories and sung poems to adapt moral and social qualities, which later becomes part of our personalities. Our elders try to inculcate these moral habits during the early life so that when we start dealing with real-world and real problems of life, the choices we make are based on our character.

We fundamentally learn how to live in society. But let us ponder on the simple question, as to how many of us have been taught the art of living? I agree we should learn the essentials to live in society. But how many of us are aware of the qualities which we should have learnt in the initial stage of life to live a happy, joyous and content life?

I believe my parents were so protective that they tried to keep the bitter realities of life away from me during my childhood. I wish they could have understood or remembered that whatever they are teaching me will, later on, become my character, and it will subsequently become a behavioral pattern.

I wish that I was taught these qualities and values at an early age which I could use later on to face the harsh realities of life. It could have developed the right way, creative way and positive thinking patterns in me. I would have dealt with many obstacles in my life with a different approach. I wish I was taught these:

1. Forgiveness

The usual way of forgiving is not the correct way to deal with your emotional pain. It doesn’t bring any peace to your conscious rather it hurts you more at a much deeper level. When you think that those emotions disappeared, they actually are suppressed somewhere deeper where you won’t be able to look. So you end up with some deep layers of emotions without your knowledge.

How would you heal yourself unless you know that you have those wounds? These hidden emotions hurt you time and again by coming to the surface in another form but you don’t recognize them. Forgiveness is just a cover-up to your pain by blaming others and forgiving them later for your own ego satisfaction.

You must look at your own emotions rather blame others and filling yourself with utter pain, hatred, and resentment. (Read more about forgiveness in another article “Forgiveness – The Truth”)

2. Be Non-Judgmental

I remember during my childhood, my parents always taught me not to talk to strangers and little later how to judge people as to whether they are good or not. This was initially to know people around me and then understand them. If I didn’t feel good about them, then not to have them around or not to be around them.

There was also something I noticed in everyone’s / elder’s behavior as I have been very observant throughout my life. I observed that my elder would meet new people then will observe their clothes, jewelry and behavior and later everyone will exchange their observations with the rest of the family or friends; then they will decide whether they should have any further association with those new people.

I have observed a lot of things during these family and friends sessions which I will write later on. So here I learnt how to criticize others and how to judge them. But later on in real life situation, it becomes a problem when we start scanning others and make judgments inside us.

Many a time we misjudge people. Our behavior changes according to these thoughts and we are no more what we were. We start becoming someone what we are not. This happened to me too and I really started feeling bad inside because I have to be what I am not. I decided not to be judgmental, who I am not.

Thus I acquired knowledge of not being judgmental. It’s an ugly characteristic which really affects not our own lives badly but also the lives of people who are around us. We fill up our behavior with all nonsense which is not required at all.

3. Not to play Blame games

I believe many of us learn this very fast as to how to blame others for anything which went wrong. We repeatedly do this to protect ourselves instead of accepting our own fault. But we should promise ourselves not to do that again and improve ourselves. Our brains are trained in such a way as to think of our own survival first and find the easiest, risk-free ways to live.

While grasping on these survival strategies we subconsciously start reacting the way that every good happens in our life because of us and everything bad happens due to others. Amidst playing all these blame games we don’t realize that this constant habit of putting blame on others is keeping us behind on our own growth path.

We are at loss here and no one else. While focusing on how to blame others we forget to realize our own faults/weakness and thus don’t improve or learn from our mistakes. If you have not learnt this yet, then learn it fast as this can be the biggest barrier between you and your success.

So start accepting your imperfections, take responsibility for your own deeds and put efforts into the direction of improvisation. Blaming others can only bring bitterness into your relationships; no good will come out of this. Moreover, you will keep on wasting your valuable energy into stupid activities of finding faults in others, which is severely detrimental in any relationship.

4. Acceptance of others

Acceptance is a tiny yet powerful word. While being judgmental we also develop this habit of not accepting others as they are or who they are. That continuous desire to criticize others and finding faults in others makes it difficult for us to accept others with their totality. The habit of non-acceptance affects mostly our relationships.

Because even if we disagree with any of the concerned person’s qualities we get into a relationship by keeping a mindset of changing another person later on. But somewhere we are rejecting the other person’s persona or part of their persona. This habit of ours makes the relationship sour at the subconscious level.

As a result of this nagging nature, we make other people feel unacceptable. Everyone wants to be accepted for who they are including our own selves. Right? You might not like some of the habits of the people around us. But we should learn to appreciate other gifted qualities rather than rejecting unlikable qualities.

Once we start accepting others, our relationships become smoother and loving. Along with that, our own lives also become easier as we don’t fight inside our own brains and constantly think about how to change others.

5. Recognize my best and worst qualities

During my school life, I have been educated a lot of knowledge. Being a quick learner and a sharp-eyed I absorbed huge knowledge from my surroundings. I was expected to learn all the subjects in the school, but one thing I missed was to observe myself about my strength and weakness.

Every elder around me only concentrated to teach me that was available in the surrounding, outside me. No one ever told me that self-assessment and self-awareness are also needed to grow and become successful in life. After so many setbacks I learnt it and grew upward in life. As much as knowledge about surroundings is needed;  our inner world understanding is as equally needed too.

6. Learn to make the best use of my strengths or get into a field where I could use my strengths

Everyone always told me to work on my weaknesses if wanted to be successful in my career. But no one explained to me that some weaknesses are inherent and part of my nature. These weaknesses cannot be overcome. Moreover, they can be weaknesses from their point of view but these are actually neither good or bad these are just there; inside me; as a part of me.

They are part of my nature. They were not aware that the best way to be successful in life is to use my strengths and work in a field which is favorable to my strengths. Instead of fighting with my weakness and struggling with an internal conflict, I could have used all my energy towards getting success by utilizing my very strengths.

7. Accepting my body and loving it

I am blessed that I was born in a family where I have been taught how to lead a healthy lifestyle. But one thing my elders failed to understand that I also need to be taught was to how to accept, respect and love my own body. They taught me well how to take care of it.

You might have noticed some people fail to accept their bodies as they are and start abusing it too. If we don’t have the desired body like someone else who has a perfect body as per our thoughts, we start disrespecting it. This abuse, internal negativity towards our own bodies make us ill and deteriorates our health.

We start losing confidence and try to ignore social gathering, which further leads us to an isolated lifestyle. We reach a stage where we start feeling lonely and become depressed. If we cannot accept our own bodies then how will we accept someone else; which happens in case of relationship.

We fall into the idea that if we don’t love our own body then how can someone else like our body and fall in love with us. My relationship improved once I started accepting, respecting and loving my body.

8. Be fearless

Even though I was rebellious since my childhood, I had no fear of darkness or strangers or isolated / abandoned places. But I remember my mother tried every possible way to fill fear inside me. She must have thought by doing this, she is protecting me. But all those fears affected my life very badly.

I could save myself due to my rebellious nature. Because I did not pay much heed to some of her instructions due to my curious nature. I accept she had good intentions. However, she lacked the vision of seeing it affecting my future. I learned to be fearless on my own. I obeyed her on most of the times.

But when it was necessary to take initiative in order to grow or to achieve something, I did many things by facing those fears. All of which of course took a lot of courage to face fears, to let them go and move forward.

Yet I wish everyone could have kept their own experiences to themselves or could have found another way to teach me something instead of filing those fears in me; the fear of the unknown. When you have no fear of the unknown, you become really successful by jumping into unknown and grabbing opportunities.

9. Don’t follow others blindly

I agree that if we have to learn something then we may have to follow someone who has done that before. However, following someone does not mean to believe in each and everything that others say. We should also try to find the facts and reason the same.

When we start believing others blindly, we stop using our own intelligence and can be made to work on the wrong path. Moreover, we stop growing. Following someone can add value to our lives like we should follow our teachers, mentors, and parents. But we should also use our own power of reasoning. So that we cannot be made fool easily.

We can find an appropriate path according to our own nature and own desires. Also, we don’t disrespect our intelligence by ignoring it every time. We should take own chances and try new things or choose different paths; if we don’t do so then we will never grow in life.

10. Don’t estimate your own powers on the basis of other’s words

We should believe in ourselves; our own intelligence. We should not rely on other’s perspective towards us. Like we become very happy when someone praises us and become very sad if someone criticizes us.

We should do our own work and should be content with that, should not wait for other people to notice it or praise it. This attitude makes us attention seeker. Also, our happiness becomes dependent on others. Others views start impacting our thoughts and behaviors. We start condemning ourselves as to what people will think and say. I wish I learnt this self-contentment when I was a child.

11. Don’t compare yourself with others

We must learn this that everyone is unique; so why everybody should be compared to others? Does it make any sense? No. Right? But yet it happens with every child that they are regularly compared to their peers. Be it the marks obtained by the child or the extracurricular activities, our parents always compare us to the neighborhood child.

This kind of behavior done by them start developing feelings such as inferiority, jealousy, and anger in us. These feelings get so deep in our inner-core that we carry these throughout our lives. We are unintentionally made to think of others and compare ourselves to others in every aspect of life. Always remember one thing No one was ever born like you, no one is and no one will ever be.

12. The myth about being obedient

Many people are told that kids should be obedient. But doesn’t it make a child dumb too? Because somehow they are not using their intelligence. They are not made to choose or decide. They are asked only to follow instructions.

They are hardly made to learn their own ways. Their innovative nature is being suppressed constantly. When I was a child, I was very obedient but on the other hand, I was rebellious too. If my intelligence didn’t agree to do something, I used to deny and consequently I got scolded frequently.

I also felt bad about it to hurt my parents and elders. I started getting the thoughts that I am not good enough. However, I understand it now that it was okay to be rebellious and disobedient at times. It made me grow in shape. So being obedient is good only to some extent. Kids should set free and be made more of innovators rather than following blindly on orders.

13. What others are doing is none of your business

Life is too short to waste your precious time on pondering on others’ business. Keep focusing on your own life. Watch out for what you are doing with your own life. What others are doing makes no difference in your life.

Put a full stop immediately the moment you feel the urge to interfere in other people’s lives; bring back your awareness to your own life. Find out what you want to do in your life and how you want to live it; how you want to shape it.

In gist, once I got aware and grew up and started looking around to find answers, I got to know many things which could have played a crucial role in my decisions.

Unfortunately, I have never been taught those in schools. I wish I could have known these things before I entered into the reality of life alone without my parents and teachers; where they were not present to show me the path. I wish to teach all this to children and young people while they are still taking shape; when they are still mouldable like clay.

I hope my experiences and my inner growth journey can help you in any manner. This is the major purpose of this article. So that you can get rid off the pain in your heart by mending your own thoughts rather depending on others. If you are still filled with guilt and grudges, these thoughts can help you to find peace as they did for me.

Forgiveness – The Truth

Forgiveness - The Truth

Though there are many theories regarding the origin and the actual meaning of the word forgiveness. However ideologically meaning of forgiveness is “Thoroughly giving without reservation”. It means that to give up on the feelings of hatred and resentment towards someone who wronged you.

Once you forgive others you untie them as well as untie yourself from the bitter feelings you had for them. You cannot punish every single person in your life who has wronged you sometime in your life. Can you? Unequivocally, not. Also, you cannot punish yourself for every single mistake that you have made.

But you may think what about as to what you have learnt since childhood. You may have been educated about how people should be punished for their wrongdoings; the Wrong deed can be anything like hurting people, stealing, breaking the rules, etc.

Also, you must have noticed many times when you desire to do something wrong, you may have stopped midway due to the fear of punishment. I remember one of the most famous idioms “TIT FOR TAT”, what we all have learned in childhood and even liked the idea very much. Thus you have developed the feelings of satisfaction after punishing others.

You at some point in life also got punished by your elders for petty matters like for not doing homework or for talking in the class or for not getting good marks or for teasing other sibling or kids. You learnt to complain about others to the teacher or parents or elders just to see the other person getting punished. And you felt immensely satisfied and enjoyed those moments.

Therefore you developed this pattern of punishing others. Later in life, you want to teach a lesson to every single person who hurts your sentiment and feelings.

But once you actually grow up in life (or in other words once your perception matures and you start to see the real picture) psychologists and healers say that you should learn to forgive as you should not carry grudges within us. It gives us pain if you are unable to forgive. But how is it possible now? This quality is not the part of your personality rather it’s quite the opposite.

Can anyone forgive one’s boss who is rude? No! Rather you want him or her to get punished in any manner. Does anyone feel pity for such a boss if he/she gets sick? Rather you feel that they got punished for being such a rude person to you.

You want to see people getting punished who wrong to you. But this habit of punishing others and urge of teaching them a lesson starts affecting your relationships.  It is possible that when someone says sorry and apologies for any matter, the other person replies “it’s okay. No problem. Don’t do that again”.

But does the person actually forgive? Does he/she not carry that inside them what other person did to him/her? Forgiveness was never there. You start learning how to forgive only for your own gain. When you come to know that this hatred and resentment is giving you pain and taking a lot of your energy. You decide to forgive others.

If you keep on punishing others you punish yourself too by keeping this negative energy inside you. Negative energy needs more power than a positive one. Negative energy is like a parasite that feeds off you and consumes your inner peace and tranquility. You tend to be rude, impatient and easily irritated on petty matters and everyone around you slowly starts to drift away from you and no one likes a person who behaves such way.

You start filling your life and relationships with bitterness. Slowly over time, you become lonelier and you become even more irritated. Thus you fall into a vicious trap. Thus it is imperative that you learn this quality of forgiveness as soon as possible to attain serenity.

Forgiveness is freeing yourself from the feelings of bitterness towards others. The others may include your parents or life partner or friends to whom you love so much. The more a person is closer to you, the more are the chances of you getting hurt from their behavior. The more hatred you grow for them when they behave in an unexpected manner.

This above is a practical ideology for forgiveness. You want to learn forgiveness because of your own good. You want to forgive people so that you don’t feel hurt anymore. But are you really aware of the truth?

If you really can dare then peel the layers of emotions and go to the bottom of these layers

Forgiveness is used in a very wrong sense, for a very wrong purpose. It is deceiving. It suppresses your pain and creates an illusion in your thoughts you that you are free from pain, hatred, and resentment related to the concerned person. If you really want to heal yourself then find out the truth behind those feelings. Go into the depth from where this hatred and resentment is coming.

These negative feelings have nothing to do with the other person. These are your feelings. You must be the center of it. But you mistakenly hold other people guilty for your emotions. At the center of all these feelings, it’s you. You are feeling hurt and betrayed.

The other person may have only done something what he/she felt is right. He/she may feel the same about you that you have hurt the other person. This is mutual. The other person may feel the same as you feel for the other person. If you get to the bottom then you will find that both of you have longed for your own imaginary desires from each other, but you both got something else.

As a result, you both start feeling betrayed. Look at it with other perspectives that you also failed to behave in a certain pattern as desired by the other. But when it’s about you then you will say I behaved best according to my intelligence. However, your best didn’t match another person’s expectations. Same has happened with you.

Everyone is at mistake here. You miss the truth. You don’t live in reality but in the imaginary world. In true form, no one is right or wrong. No one is at fault. You fail to accept others as for who they are. They also fail to accept who you are. But before expecting from others to realize this truth, you must know the truth yourself. You also miss the opportunity to discover the truth as you cover up your emotions with “forgiveness” kind of imaginary words. You don’t dare to go deeper to discover the truth.

The truth is that you have no right to forgive someone and no one deserves to be forgiven and vice versa. Every one has right on his/her own life including you. They are not bound to behave in a certain expected way just to oblige others. You play your part, they play theirs. The utter truth is that no one can forgive, no one can be forgiven.

Mind it, that from your perspective others can be wrong but from others point of view he/she can be right and not at fault. For eg – You may feel that your boss is rude but your boss may be thinking that he is behaving professionally and he/ she doesn’t want to involve any emotions with the profession. People have different views on life and act according to their own perspective on life.

When you decide to forgive someone then following three things happen

First

before you agree to forgive someone, you have to accept it first that the other person is at fault. Which is not true. The other person may feel the same about you that you were at fault. So who will decide? This is something which can not be decided because everyone thinks in their own way. You both can have a different view of the same matter.

He/she did something that they felt right, you did something that you felt right. You have no right on other’s feelings or actions. It’s their own choice. When you start expecting from others you are interfering with their freedom. If you think that you are right and other is wrong, then it’s your choice to think that way.

Other’s actions are none of your business

They can choose what they want in life. So nobody is truly at fault here. Therefore no question arises to forgive. Still, if you feel that there is a need for forgiveness then you are falling for a never-ending internal conflict. You yourself are creating trouble. If you feel hurt because of your loved one’s behavior then it’s your own fault. Why do you expect anything from others? Keep your expectations at the bay when loving someone.

Love happens only when you surrender yourself

and when you surrender there are no chances of a conflict. However, when you are in love you create an image of this person in your mind. If the person does not behave according to this image, your mind gets shaken. If the person does according to the image then your mind applauds. So who is creating an image of the other person without him/her knowing about it? Still, you keep on blaming him/her if anything goes wrong. You live in the illusions, fantasies created by the outside world, whose fault is that?

Second

if you deny this above truth then forgiveness can never happen. As you have already assumed and declared that the other person is at fault. Forgiving someone will be like that you have proven someone’s offense and given the sentence at first; later just decreased his/her punishment. You just keep on inviting troubles and blame others for that. You tie yourself with other person’s actions and later blame them for your pain.

Third

Forgiveness is an act just to fulfill one’s ego. You pamper your ego by saying somebody that “I forgive you or someone”. It’s all a game of “Ego”.  Just to feel on the top of the chain of incidences. You want to feel superior. How dare can one hurt you and leave without getting punished? You want to show your power. Forgiveness is also a kind of punishment as you are making other people realize that despite her/his fault you are ready to forgive; you are such a big-hearted person. Next time when you find this desire to forgive someone then look inside you whether there is an ego waiting to get accomplished. Also, ask yourself who are you to forgive someone. Who is it that wants to forgive? Is it you or your ego?

Therefore when everyone is doing what they truly are, then how can they be wrong. Everyone behaves at their best according to their nature, according to what existence has made them; then how can you say that they are at fault. If you still think that they are at fault, then so are you.

Because you also behave according to your very true nature. Then you must be wrong too. So next time whenever you feel that someone is doing wrong to you then look inside from where it comes. Hold onto that moment and go to discover the truth; the truth of your emotions where ‘Centre is you’.

Once I joined a group with my friends called “emotional wellness”. There everyone was asked to write about one person who has affected their life most. Most of them wrote about their mothers. In the starting of the paragraphs, everyone wrote how much they love their mothers. But later they wrote how they blame their mothers for destroying their lives and how much they hate her about it. Then they were asked to release those feelings and forgive their mother. But how it can be possible. They were carrying these feelings for so long time and they will carry these for the rest of life.

No one went to find the truth. Everyone just followed the instructor who was holding the group. They were too astonished to find their true feelings for their mother. They felt so overwhelmed with their own response to this question. They thought they have discovered the truth but this was only one layer, what about other layers? No one thought about it. They just fell in the trap of illusions.

You may have different views on this scenario. Let’s discover the truth in this incidence. A mother always does best for her child according to her intelligence. No mother wants to harm her own child. These people forgot that the same mother had kept them in her womb for 9 months which itself is herculean experience in itself. Those mothers took care of them all the time while ignoring her own-self.

They kept their child’s needs on the top priority of everything. They nurtured the child, provided everything they need, and prepared them to live in the world. They do their best according to their knowledge. Every mother is unique. But when the child grows up, she/he starts comparing the mother with her own imaginary mother. Imaginary mother is not the reality but the child wants the mother to behave in a certain way according to the image. How can it be possible? Mother will do according to her true self. How can she live up to the expectations of such an imaginary persona? However, the child fails to see the truth here and blames the mother for not looking after her properly.

The mother is everything to the child until the child can’t imagine. Once the child starts imagining the same mother becomes responsible for her failures. The truth is that it is your own habit of imagining people in a certain way who is at fault. So stop creating an image in your mind for people around you. Stop feeling hatred and resentment for someone for being his/her true self, but appreciate them for helping you to find out the truth behind your own emotions. These people give you the opportunity to discover the truth. You will never feel hurt after you realize this truth. To reach this truth “Meditation can show you the path”.

Lessons of Life

We learn a lot while we are in school and then in college. Some lessons are taught by our parents, siblings, and people around us. Some lessons are taught by life. Lessons of life are the toughest ones. You have to experience them and learn from it. However, there are some which if you can learn as early as possible then you can save yourself from many troubles. Some of them are as follows:

1. How to remain settled even during tough times

This lesson is one of the most important ones. Nobody knows when the tough time will come knocking one’s door. During tough times or in adverse situations our brain doesn’t work systematically due to chemical imbalance.

This further makes you anxious and fearful. You lose the capacity to think properly and to understand anything logically. You also tend to do or react something or in such a way that you may never do otherwise. So if you have to avoid the negative impact of the adverse circumstances then you should learn to be settled during a tough time.

Be centered no matter what happens. Tackle a situation peacefully. Find out the root cause of any problem and then find the best solution with a calm mind. Although being calm is the toughest thing to do. But you should train your mind on that.

2. Be self observant

Most of us are always curious as to what is happening around us or in other people’s life. In today’s digital era, with the help of social media, it has become easier. Everyone has the habit to watch one’s phone first thing in the morning to check what others are doing or has plans for the day.
Come on; this is your life, live it, how should it make any difference what others are doing. So instead of watching outside all the time, spend some time observing your own self. Learn about your own self; your very own nature and how its affecting your life.

Discover if there is anything negative in your behavior or nature, which is hampering your relationships or career or your own health, and work on it. Find out the ways to bring change and grow by keeping your roots stronger. Inspire yourself; motivate yourself; you can know yourself best only if you have the courage to look at yourself; bring back your attention from others on your own self.

3. The truth about mood disorders

Many people (both men and women) face mood disorder. These are psychological illnesses. Many may suggest that stress plays a major role in mood disorders. Stress can trigger such disorders. However, one of the root cause for such mood disorders can be the deficiency of micronutrients. Like iron deficiency can cause many symptoms just like depression such as mood swings, tiredness and lack of appetite.

Omega-3 fatty acids can help with brain chemicals. B complex vitamins and vitamin D are vital for psychological fitness and overall seamless operation of the body. Vitamin B12 deficiency can cause symptoms of depression and mild hallucinations. So eat a healthy diet consisting of all necessary nutrients to keep yourself fit; for both physical health and mental health.

Before taking any mood enhancer medication,  get yourself tested for deficiency of these micronutrients in your body. If you don’t have sufficient micronutrients then recover those by food or supplements but always do so with the approval of your medical practitioner. It might bring a lot of improvement in your condition.

4. Men and women are different not only physiologically but psychologically too

Everyone is aware of the truth that men and women are different physiologically because of visible proofs. However many of us find it hard to accept that men and women are different psychologically too.

They expect from each other to behave like each other. Man thinks why a woman cannot think or behave like him and vice-versa. Many men think that women don’t use brains and many women think that men never grow mature. Whereas the truth is that women use brain differently; their brain works in a different manner and their perspective to see the things are different.

On the other hand, men are keen to be playful. Their brain is wired to hunt; to follow the targets and achieve it, then have a relaxed time. Men can switch on and off their brain easily.

However, it is very difficult for women to do the same. Women are good at expressing emotions but men are not. Men are not vocal. Women are talkative but men are action seekers. Women need to be pampered and loved, whereas men need their personal space. If you learn some of these basic differences between men and women then it would affect positively on your relationship and love life.

5. Brains can be trained and rewired by practice

Many of us believe that it is very difficult to get rid of old habits and bring new ones to our lives. It is not true. Human brain is the most complex yet it is logical and easy to train.

If you train your brain by breaking your routine then it becomes easier to get rid of old habits. Practice… Practice… Practice…Practice will rewire your brain. You just need to take steps, break your old belief system and practice consciously, consistently and committedly.

Once the activity goes into your permanent memory, it becomes a habit. The same way you can get rid off of one. It is all about commitment.

6. Beliefs can keep you away from your success

Everyone has his / her own beliefs about themselves or about life. Sometimes you don’t trust yourself and don’t put enough efforts to achieve something. Also, some beliefs stop your way to take actions. These are the beliefs which you are telling yourself to be true. They may or may not be true. But you think of them as true. Learn to sideway your beliefs if you want to be successful.

7. You can be your true friend or enemy

You are the only person who is closest to you. You can be your true friend or true enemy. The choice is in your hands. Don’t let you become your own enemy by demoralizing yourself. Do self-talk as you talk to a friend. Imagine how do you advise and motivate your friends. Just do like that with your own self.

8. Toxic people

Toxic people are who love to sabotage others. They don’t care about others’ feelings and keep on using people around them for their own selfish goals. They don’t pay any heed if they are doing wrong with someone on the way of reaching their goals.

They like to put others down in front of everyone without caring about how much psychological and emotional pressure they might be putting on somebody. If you have toxic people in your life then get rid of them asap. If you cannot do that due to some professional or personal commitments then learn to deal with them tactfully. Also, beware of whether you are the toxic one.

9. What goes around comes around

– Always remember whatever you give to others, you receive it back. You give love, you get it back. You give hate, and you get hatred back.  It might take time to come back, but it surely comes back. As you sow, so shall you reap. If you treat people badly then you get a similar treatment back. So learn to behave in a way that you want to be treated by others.

10. You pay your expenses not by money but by your time

To buy materialistic things it might seem that you pay by money. But money is just a tool, a mechanism and you  have given your own precious time to earn it. So indirectly you pay for those things not by money but by your time.

The time that you will never get back again. Ensure that the money you are spending is well worth the time and effort that you have put to earn it. As such spend money wisely and your time consciously unless you think you are immortal.

11. Dive in unknown

If you want something precious in life then learn to dive in unknown. Sometimes you just have to take a giant leap of faith and dive head-on into the unknown. No matter if someone else has done it before or not; if you believe in that then just go ahead. Without diving, you cannot get the pearls.

12. Don’t let your past haunt you back

Past is gone. It cannot be changed. Let it go. Don’t let it spoil your present and future by constantly thinking about it. Experiences can be bad but time changes everything. So leave the past behind and live a fresh life.

At times life can seem to be unfair, but have faith it can never wrong you in the long run. Most of the incidences happen in our lives so that we learn from real life what schools cannot teach us. Nonetheless, learn from life with gratefulness. If you can grasp from other’s experiences then gain from it fundamentally and don’t repeat their mistakes.

We are humans and it is our tendency to make mistakes. Learn from your mistakes and move ahead in your life. Mistakes are part of life but learn from them. If you commit mistake once then you are human; but if you repeating the same mistakes time and again then it personifies you a fool. So don’t repeat your mistakes.

Keep on living life with acceptance and keep on growing upward. We are here to live, so don’t waste your life on petty matters. Our purpose of life is to live the moments in best possible ways.