Archive November 29, 2018

Tips for meditation

In ancient times, the reason for meditation practice was to search the soul. In today’s era, some people are using meditation as a tool to cure anxiety and stress. The busier you become, the more you need meditation. Yet some people meditate because they want to explore their spiritual path. Whatever reason is there, the core aim of meditation is to become aware of one’s existence. There can be different ways to reach the same destination. You might have read my earlier article “Meditation for beginners” and started practicing meditation. Yet you are getting this notion that there is no end result? Then you might be doing something wrong.

Let’s explore some more facts:

1. Mediation is all about doing nothing

This is where people get the wrong idea about meditation. They think that they have to do meditation by sitting silently. There is a difference between sitting idle and being silent. When you are trying hard to do nothing, you are still making efforts, thereby you miss the point. Meditation is all about not doing. So stop doing or trying but “be” there at that very moment. Be present and realize the truth that everything happens outside of you; you are there only as an audience.

2. Meditation is not an activity

Don’t think that when you sit idle, you are meditating. Meditation cannot be an activity. It is to be present and realize that there is something invisible inside the body, which is always present and meditation is a stage/state where “you” become one with the whole existence as we are all connected through some greater power, greater energy.

However many people during meditation sitting start fighting against his/her own self – Human beings are full of thoughts. It is our basic nature. Many people complain that they are not capable to stop thinking while meditating. Always remember, you don’t need to fight with your thoughts because it is against your nature. Rather you have to witness these thoughts. Let these thoughts come and go. You just be there and watch. Don’t control thoughts or anything for that matter.

3. Being aware of everything

Be aware, who is it doing meditation? It is you inside the body or the body or the mind? Many people assume the mind is meditating as the mind has to be stopped or focused at one point. It’s not correct. Meditation is about reaching a state where it happens all by itself; Meditation is the manifestation of self-awareness. You don’t have to focus on anything.

Be watchful. Don’t get involved in anything. For eg., you have the body, be aware of your body. You have thoughts – be aware of your thoughts. Don’t fight. Be friendly with your thoughts. Don’t start analyzing your thoughts. Bring consciousness to your life. Read more about consciousness in the article “conscious living”.

4. Self-awareness

Many people are practicing VIPASSANA meditation these days. In VIPASSANA, you have to watch your breath. Some people take watching and focusing as same. But there is a fundamental difference between both. Focusing means make efforts to bring your mind at one point. Whereas watching means to just watch without interference. In VIPASSANA, you need to become watchful, so that you can be aware of who is this watcher.

As a result, you will have a self-realization. Breathing is taking place in the body, and then who is watching it. That watcher is “YOU”. Can your body watch itself? No, it can’t. There has to be someone else inside your body. That someone is “YOU”. “YOU” have this body. “YOU” own this body.

5. You don’t have to search anything

Many have this misconception that in meditation you have to search for something or someone or your own self. However, that is not true. You are always here, present in every moment. Unfortunately, you are not self-aware. People go on searching for something. As a result, they move far away from the truth; The quintessential of their own existence.

You can search for something which is missing. How can one search himself/herself? You don’t need to search for anything, anywhere, yet be self-aware; to be aware of your existence. Meditation is a holistic awakening of yourself.

6. Throw all your emotions and pains out

If you feel that you have so much chaos inside you and you are unable to be present then take some moments before silent sitting, unburden yourself from these emotions and pain. You can express them as a form of dance or simply cry. Don’t suppress emotions. For example, If you have faced a moment of anger during the day, then dispel that anger in some form like hitting a pillow. So that you feel light and be present during silent sitting.

If you have been suppressing emotions for a very long time then instead of suppressing do laughter and cry meditation. Meditation means to be present at the very moment. Emotions are your driving force, so heal your pain first if you have any. Transform that emotional energy and then do the silent sitting. To know more about emotions read another article “Emotions- An unknown territory”. In the case of traumatic experience, it is advisable to take healing therapies before starting the meditation practice.

7. Associate with an experienced spiritual seeker

A person who meditates can guide you very well. Find someone with whom you can discuss your experiences. You don’t need to go to some meditation camps but sharing of experience will definitely help you enhance your experience.

8. Meditation should be celebrating, not a serious affair

Many believe that to meditate means you sit seriously. No! Being silent and being serious are two different things. How can you achieve happiness by being serious? Meditation is all about happiness, celebration, and laughter. Be happy at heart while meditation sitting. Celebrate your watchfulness.

When you do meditation practice, forget about your beliefs, assumptions, conceptions, everything else but yourself. Here “Yourself” is “YOU”, not your body or mind. Body and mind are medium to connect to the outer world. “YOU” who is invisible, residing in this mortal body. When you start practicing, start from awareness then slowly you will move further into other states of mind. Meditation will show you the path. You just have to be present. Everything will take place inevitably. Live consciously and meditate without making it a task. You will feel the changes sooner.

If you need more guidance regarding meditation practice then write to me at [email protected]

Points To Remember Before Getting into a Love Relationship

Before Getting into a Love Relationship

A love relationship is an intrinsic part of life. You cannot live without one, and ironically, it is challenging to live in one as well. Why does it become difficult to live with the one you so much? To know the answer, let’s go back to the point where it all begins, in our teenage years.


Before all begins

Once a kid enters adolescence, it becomes natural to feel attracted to the opposite sex. At this blooming age, a person is shy so as not to share his/her feelings with others. If someone keeps the shyness at bay and tries to share the feelings, the other person’s advice can be quite disheartening. Due to the biological and hormonal changes, every teenager seems to have similar feelings of emptiness, loneliness, and aggressiveness.

As a result, the immense desire to find a partner reaches its height. This desire reaches such a stage that you fall for the first person you feel attracted to. You happen to start dreaming your entire life with that person. You even begin to daydream about the minute details, like your future home or the color of walls you would like to have.

This longing for a perfect partner can be overwhelming when someone finally comes into your life. It all seems like a dream comes true.

Hey, stop right there!

Take a pause.

Beware before you feel flying high in your love story, take a glance at yourself first.

You are still carrying that emptiness in you, what are you going to give another person? Do you even understand yourself when you are expecting others to understand you? Do you love and respect yourself? What kind of relationship do you have with your own self?

Let’s explore what can be done before you make a long list of failed relationships and how to work on yourself.


Fall in love with yourself before you start a love relationship

Your love relationship should not be the result of your emptiness and loneliness. It should happen when you are filled with love and overflowing with it. When you want to share that overflowing love, You don’t need someone else to fill your need for love. You don’t have to find someone who completes you. You are complete in yourself. Relationships should be based on sharing your care, love, and compassion, not trivial pieces of gratification.

You cannot give somebody what you don’t even have yourself. So, to give, you must have it in yourself first.

Start your love journey with yourself. Love yourself for what you are and who you are. You should be the reason for your happiness. If you do so, you won’t feel unhappy when the other person is not around you. Don’t beg for love and happiness from others, for who knows, they might also be beggars who are expecting the same from you. When you love yourself, your partner feels the same love energy for you. And that makes you even more loving.


Attain individuality

If you have not reached your individuality, how do you expect to propose to someone you love? You need to find your roots first. Do not enter into a relationship unless you have explored yourself.

Now, the question arises about how to attain individuality.

Understand individuality first. Every person on the earth is unique. You have your own qualities, desires, path. This all together makes you an individual. You need to explore your inner world. You must know your emotions, your potential, and most importantly, your state of mind. Bring awareness to your actions.


Not just your love relationship, other aspects of life are significant too

You must have other parts too in your life other than your relationship. You must get involved in your things too, which are part of you, like your hobbies, your work, your friends. Many people put so much of themselves in the relationship that they start feeling exhausted and their partners start feeling overwhelmed.

Don’t burn your energy out and don’t knit your life around one relationship.  By overdoing some people feel like being used in a love relationship.

Relationships are needed for every human being and so is individuality.  So don’t get disconnected from other aspects of your life and relationships.

It is quite normal if you feel your significant other as your priority. But keep other things active in your life as well.


Understand your emotions

Knowing your emotions doesn’t merely mean to know how you react to a certain thing, but to know where these emotions come from. Biologically emotions are chemical reactions in the body. You can read more about emotions in another article. Do practice meditation.

Before entering into a love relationship ask yourself,

“Why do I want this relationship?”

“What do I have to bring into this relationship?”

“Am I a happy person?”

“Do I love myself?”

“Have I already reached my full potential?”

“Do I even understand myself?”

“Do I have enough resources to support myself financially ?”

These questions may sound a lot, but numerous things impact your emotional wellbeing.

After you have answers to these questions and you understand your emotional wellbeing, only then  consider entering a relationship. If you are a miserable person then you will definitely make your partner the same as you. And to be honest, such a person will sabotage his/her relationships.

We all should be responsible for our well-being.

We should not put the responsibility for our own emotions on others. You should not blame others for what you feel.

Instead, do things that make you happy. Make a place for everything in your life alongside your lover. Also, keep in mind that when love happens nothing else fancies you. Yet you should learn to be involved in other activities too, like, your work, a morning routine, exercise, or visiting a mall. Do not skip those kinds of stuff which you always love to do. Keep yourself happy. A happy person makes any relationship full of joy.


Constant love is the key of your love relationship

Anyone who has ever gone through heartbreak can understand it better. When your significant other breaks up with you, it feels like you will never be able to love anyone else ever again.

After a certain period, when the pain diminishes, wounds are healed, and all of a sudden someone enters your life out of the blue and you start feeling the same for him/her.

Have you ever questioned, where this love comes from? Definitely not. When you are under the spell of love, you cannot be in your senses. All you think of is about this other person. You can’t help but fall in love again.
‘Love’ which resides in you.

Love is a feeling, it is always there inside you. It doesn’t depend on others.

The other person is just an object, love is the subject. The problem starts when you put all your focus on the object, not the subject. When you don’t cherish the love, but the person. Love is your feeling, how can it be dependent upon others. Love is constantly flowing in you.

You make it painful by making it objective. When you are overflowing with love, you are naturally bound to spread it. If the other person comes into your space, you share it with him/her. And if the other person leaves, your love within you still remains there.


Respect yourself

Many of us give this authority to others that they can make us feel good, bad, low, or on top of the world.

But who can we blame?

Children are forced to behave in a certain manner by their parents or teachers. Therefore since childhood, we learn to give the authority to others to tell us what we are or who we are. There might be a few exceptions to this. Forget about all those things you had to put up with since childhood. Now you have grown up and you can make your own choices.

So make a choice now. Begin with the affirmation to respect yourself.

Remember if you can’t respect yourself, don’t expect others to do that for you.

Learn to respect yourself as an individual. Value your choices. You have your desires and you have all the rights to make a choice. Others have no right to make you feel down for your choices and your individuality.

If someone can’t respect you, that person doesn’t deserve your precious love. Show the same respect to yourself as you would to others. It’s even psychologically proven that people who are unsatisfied with themselves, don’t respect others. You don’t have to feel bad for leaving a disrespectful person. Respect yourself and others will respect you.

I hope this can bring a change in your life. If you don’t understand yourself and have started walking on the path to knowing others, you are risking your love relationship. Instead of falling for others, fall in love with yourself first. Instead of blaming others for your failed relationships, take responsibility, and make the right choices. Not for others, but for your own sake. Some of us keep on falling in and out of love relationships and take no time to understand what is happening in them.

Instead of focusing on molding others according to your choices, work on yourself, cherish the relationship with yourself and other relationships will fall into proper place by themselves. Take some time out alone with yourself and work on yourself. Stop focusing on others, but focus light on yourself too. Enjoy being you.

Celebrate your relationship with yourself. Once you do it, other relationships will join the celebration too.