How to Make Real-time Friends Without Harming Yourself

How to make friends

Today we’re living in a world where a lot of people feel lonely. We have many social media websites and applications to stay connected with people. We make friends easily. But why are we still facing this loneliness crisis worldwide? And social media is full of it.

So the question is, where and how can I find real friends?

I’ve heard some people say that they want friends, but they can’t find one. Really? Did you make any effort at all

Nobody would come to you and say, ‘Could you please be my friend?’ or ‘I’m dying to be your friend.

Sounds cold, right? But that’s the reality and you know it. Still if you get somebody asking you to befriend them in the way I mentioned above, they must’ve got some ulterior motives. It’s best to avoid such kinds.

Now some of you would say, ‘I don’t need friends. I’m fine being alone.’ But for real? Are you fine being alone? We are social animals. We need friends. Maybe not everyday, but every now and then.

The truth is that friendship is valuable like an asset. You have to build connections to make friends. You have to put effort and invest time.

Perhaps some of you would be thinking, ‘Oh! We do that. We spend hours on social media to connect with people and be there whenever they post something.’

I’ve got a question for you.

Is that enough for you? Be friends just to keep your mind busy? Not to add any value to your life?

It’s been scientifically proven that real friends keep you healthy and help you live longer. In the case of girls, there are studies which show that females need social circles and friends to live a happy life.

So I’ll be answering:

How to find real-time friends?

What’s the right way to choose the right kind of friend?

How to maintain friendships?

It may sound challenging in the beginning, but everything is challenging when you try it for the first time. So let’s get into it.
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5 Insights To Make a Relationship Stronger

insights to make stronger relationship

I have come across many people who get caught in a turbulent storm in their love relationship. Neither they can move ahead due to the misunderstanding between both nor can they step back because they are in love with this person. Moreover, they can’t seem to find a way out of this storm. Some start by feeling to cut off their partner from their life and some choose to live miserably by not solving the situation.

In both cases, you will live with a grudge when you will realize what you have done to your love life. If you are one of those who believe to take the bull by the horns and find the solution, then this article is a must-read for you. Earlier, I wrote an article about “Before getting into a romantic relationship”. This article is about how to deal with troubles in a relationship.

1. Majority of us knit our entire life around the lover

You feel so much attached to them that you don’t want to lose them out of your sight. That feeling is intense which can’t be avoided or overlooked. After a while when you start lacking in other aspects of your life, and subconsciously you start blaming your partner. if it is also happening with you then immediately stop doing that.

YOUR life should NOT be revolving around your lover. You will choke them with your love and sabotage your love life. Meanwhile, you will be losing your work too, and that inherently makes the situation worse. Therefore, when you fall in love, remember to keep everything compartmentalized and ensure you have proper space for everything in your life. Don’t just eliminate other people, work, or hobbies from your life.

YOU must be the center of your life journey, not others. Others are just playing a part in your existing life. It should be YOUR life, choices, hobbies, friends, and family. Dedicating some of your time to your lover is healthy, but isolating yourself from your own desires just to spend time with the lover is harmful in the long run.

2. Love is the root of every human’s life

Love gives you the energy to grow, to fight the odds in life, to become stronger. If you want to grow up then stay connected with the roots. Nurture it with your utmost care and loving energy. Then only the flowers will bloom. People blame ‘love’ for their failures. Relationships fail because people think that roots are the cause of their problems, whereas, in reality, they themselves have failed to nurture the roots.

In love, they give away too much to the roots & never let it rise to see the sun and to grow up. The roots get rotten. Or else they simply think that they will have to cut away the roots to reach the sky. Because it seems the easiest way “TO CUT SOMETHING OFF”. That’s impossible. No tree can grow without the roots. If you want to grow then focus on the roots; nurture them. Roots always stay below the surface in total darkness, unseen, but they are doing upholding the entire upper part for the growth of the tree.

3. You always expect your lover to be the same

You want your lover to be the same as he/she was on the day when you first met him/her. This is simply not possible. Because every organism in this world changes by every passing moment for better or worse. Some people go higher in life and career yet some stay stuck in their mundane world. Those who stay stuck also change but they mostly change for worse; they get filled with hatred, remorse, jealousy, and resentment.

Because at the bottom of their heart they blame their lover for all the unfortunate situations. Take a break to ponder if you remotely feel that your partner is taking you down a tunnel where there is no end Don’t let this happen between your lover and you. Don’t pull his / her leg, let him/her take their chances; to explore their possibilities. Respect the change in your lover and help him grow. Be part of his/her journey.

4. You create an image in your mind

This image can be anything like you save an image of the lover as he/she was on the first day or you imagine someone else’s qualities in your lover. You expect from your lover to reciprocate according to that image. Nonetheless, your lover who is unique fails to match up to your expectations due to his/her non-resemblance to the image in your mind. This is simply an illusion and no matter how delightful the illusion may seem, in the end, it is just an illusion.

5. You don’t give enough space to the lover

All human beings have infinite possibilities to become. But sometimes, unknowingly or due to unawareness, we don’t give personal space to our lovers to grow; to reach his/her full potential. Whereas we should be supporting our partner’s growth. How will such a person love you if you have hindered their personal growth? Both of you are like those two seeds who are sow/planted together.

If two seeds are sown next to each other without any required space for growth, then both seeds fight for their individual growth, and as a result, either both or one of them slowly die of the incessant fight. However, If you sow these two seeds with a little space between them, not only they grow high, but they also support each other’s growth and bloom together with love. So do lovers blossom when they love and respect each other and support each other’s growth.

Relationships have become the most complex part of anyone’s life. It’s not that there were no problems a few decades ago, but the desires and expectations of people have changed drastically in the last few years. You come across many people now and get confused. You start comparing your love life with others. There are many distractions out there, but you must focus on what you have and what you want.

Communicate that well with your partner. Proper communication is key here. This will be more helpful to get through any relationship situation. A relationship is about two people living and growing together. You must make efforts to solve the problems together. it can’t be one-sided. Work on yourself, work on each other, work on your relationship together. Be loving, kind and compassionate and let the flowers of love blossom in your relationship.

Points To Remember Before Getting into a Love Relationship

Before Getting into a Love Relationship

A love relationship is an intrinsic part of life. You cannot live without one, and ironically, it is challenging to live in one as well. Why does it become difficult to live with the one you so much? To know the answer, let’s go back to the point where it all begins, in our teenage years.

 

Before all begins

Once a kid enters adolescence, it becomes natural to feel attracted to the opposite sex. At this blooming age, a person is shy so as not to share his/her feelings with others. If someone keeps the shyness at bay and tries to share the feelings, the other person’s advice can be quite disheartening. Due to the biological and hormonal changes, every teenager seems to have similar feelings of emptiness, loneliness, and aggressiveness.

As a result, the immense desire to find a partner reaches its height. This desire reaches such a stage that you fall for the first person you feel attracted to. You happen to start dreaming your entire life with that person. You even begin to daydream about the minute details, like your future home or the color of walls you would like to have.

This longing for a perfect partner can be overwhelming when someone finally comes into your life. It all seems like a dream comes true.

Hey, stop right there!

Take a pause.

Beware before you feel flying high in your love story, take a glance at yourself first.

You are still carrying that emptiness in you, what are you going to give another person? Do you even understand yourself when you are expecting others to understand you? Do you love and respect yourself? What kind of relationship do you have with your own self?

Let’s explore what can be done before you make a long list of failed relationships and how to work on yourself.

 

Fall in love with yourself before you start a love relationship

Your love relationship should not be the result of your emptiness and loneliness. It should happen when you are filled with love and overflowing with it. When you want to share that overflowing love, You don’t need someone else to fill your need for love. You don’t have to find someone who completes you. You are complete in yourself. Relationships should be based on sharing your care, love, and compassion, not trivial pieces of gratification.

You cannot give somebody what you don’t even have yourself. So, to give, you must have it in yourself first.

Start your love journey with yourself. Love yourself for what you are and who you are. You should be the reason for your happiness. If you do so, you won’t feel unhappy when the other person is not around you. Don’t beg for love and happiness from others, for who knows, they might also be beggars who are expecting the same from you. When you love yourself, your partner feels the same love energy for you. And that makes you even more loving.

 

Attain individuality

If you have not reached your individuality, how do you expect to propose to someone you love? You need to find your roots first. Do not enter into a relationship unless you have explored yourself.

Now, the question arises about how to attain individuality.

Understand individuality first. Every person on the earth is unique. You have your own qualities, desires, path. This all together makes you an individual. You need to explore your inner world. You must know your emotions, your potential, and most importantly, your state of mind. Bring awareness to your actions.

 

Not just your love relationship, other aspects of life are significant too

You must have other parts too in your life other than your relationship. You must get involved in your things too, which are part of you, like your hobbies, your work, your friends. Many people put so much of themselves in the relationship that they start feeling exhausted and their partners start feeling overwhelmed.

Don’t burn your energy out and don’t knit your life around one relationship.  By overdoing some people feel like being used in a love relationship.

Relationships are needed for every human being and so is individuality.  So don’t get disconnected from other aspects of your life and relationships.

It is quite normal if you feel your significant other as your priority. But keep other things active in your life as well.

 

Understand your emotions

Knowing your emotions doesn’t merely mean to know how you react to a certain thing, but to know where these emotions come from. Biologically emotions are chemical reactions in the body. You can read more about emotions in another article. Do practice meditation.

Before entering into a love relationship ask yourself,

“Why do I want this relationship?”

“What do I have to bring into this relationship?”

“Am I a happy person?”

“Do I love myself?”

“Have I already reached my full potential?”

“Do I even understand myself?”

“Do I have enough resources to support myself financially ?”

These questions may sound a lot, but numerous things impact your emotional wellbeing.

After you have answers to these questions and you understand your emotional wellbeing, only then  consider entering a relationship. If you are a miserable person then you will definitely make your partner the same as you. And to be honest, such a person will sabotage his/her relationships.

We all should be responsible for our well-being.

We should not put the responsibility for our own emotions on others. You should not blame others for what you feel.

Instead, do things that make you happy. Make a place for everything in your life alongside your lover. Also, keep in mind that when love happens nothing else fancies you. Yet you should learn to be involved in other activities too, like, your work, a morning routine, exercise, or visiting a mall. Do not skip those kinds of stuff which you always love to do. Keep yourself happy. A happy person makes any relationship full of joy.

 

Constant love is the key of your love relationship

Anyone who has ever gone through heartbreak can understand it better. When your significant other breaks up with you, it feels like you will never be able to love anyone else ever again.

After a certain period, when the pain diminishes, wounds are healed, and all of a sudden someone enters your life out of the blue and you start feeling the same for him/her.

Have you ever questioned, where this love comes from? Definitely not. When you are under the spell of love, you cannot be in your senses. All you think of is about this other person. You can’t help but fall in love again.
‘Love’ which resides in you.

Love is a feeling, it is always there inside you. It doesn’t depend on others.

The other person is just an object, love is the subject. The problem starts when you put all your focus on the object, not the subject. When you don’t cherish the love, but the person. Love is your feeling, how can it be dependent upon others. Love is constantly flowing in you.

You make it painful by making it objective. When you are overflowing with love, you are naturally bound to spread it. If the other person comes into your space, you share it with him/her. And if the other person leaves, your love within you still remains there.

 

Respect yourself

Many of us give this authority to others that they can make us feel good, bad, low, or on top of the world.

But who can we blame?

Children are forced to behave in a certain manner by their parents or teachers. Therefore since childhood, we learn to give the authority to others to tell us what we are or who we are. There might be a few exceptions to this. Forget about all those things you had to put up with since childhood. Now you have grown up and you can make your own choices.

So make a choice now. Begin with the affirmation to respect yourself.

Remember if you can’t respect yourself, don’t expect others to do that for you.

Learn to respect yourself as an individual. Value your choices. You have your desires and you have all the rights to make a choice. Others have no right to make you feel down for your choices and your individuality.

If someone can’t respect you, that person doesn’t deserve your precious love. Show the same respect to yourself as you would to others. It’s even psychologically proven that people who are unsatisfied with themselves, don’t respect others. You don’t have to feel bad for leaving a disrespectful person. Respect yourself and others will respect you.

I hope this can bring a change in your life. If you don’t understand yourself and have started walking on the path to knowing others, you are risking your love relationship. Instead of falling for others, fall in love with yourself first. Instead of blaming others for your failed relationships, take responsibility, and make the right choices. Not for others, but for your own sake. Some of us keep on falling in and out of love relationships and take no time to understand what is happening in them.

Instead of focusing on molding others according to your choices, work on yourself, cherish the relationship with yourself and other relationships will fall into proper place by themselves. Take some time out alone with yourself and work on yourself. Stop focusing on others, but focus light on yourself too. Enjoy being you.

Celebrate your relationship with yourself. Once you do it, other relationships will join the celebration too.

Nurture every relationship with consciousness

Nurturing Relationship with Consciousness

Humans are social beings. We meet and bond with each other. We need love and affection to fulfill our emotions. Relationship plays a vital role in one’s life. At times it seems tough to deal with some people with whom you are in the relationship. But you love them. You cannot just cut off from them.

Some people keep on carrying their relationships as a burden throughout their life either for the sake of love or social norms. They feel scared to pay heed to these relationships because these are so miserable. They don’t want to discover how these relationships became so sour and what can be done to mend those ties. If they could understand they would have paid more attention with a conscious mind.

So what should you do in such a situation? To have blissful relationships one must nurture relationships with a conscious mind. Healthy relationships don’t happen in a day but take time. They have to be cared for and protected. It’s easier said than done even so efforts are to be made to have long-lasting loving relationships. Let us unravel a few efforts that one needs to do in order to have a fulfilling relationship.

1. Work on yourself

Be aware and more conscious of yourself. Relationships can be part of your life but don’t be so much codependent on others. You must realize that your happiness and sadness should not rely on others, but on yourself.

The most important relationship you have is with yourself. Therefore learn to nurture this relationship. Once you are more conscious of yourself, you will be able to understand the world around you with more cognizances. Read another article “Live a balanced life – A step toward eternal happiness” to learn to live a balanced life.

2. Stop creating images or illusions in your mind

Don’t create images about how others should be with you in the relationship. Don’t expect how should they behave or deal with it. Stop making lists in your mind what you want from others. Rather embrace their characteristics and what they have brought in the relationship.

Every person has his or her personality. Once you start accepting others wholeheartedly for who they are, your love for them will become unconditional. You will be able to see other’s true form. Their actions won’t hurt you anymore. (Read more about this in the article “Forgiveness – The Truth”).

3. A relationship is established just like a child is born

Like a child needs more care in the early days, a relationship also needs the same in the early stage. Once both the persons get to blend in and make a bond then it becomes alive. Then you start living with the other person.

Embrace the relationship. Nurture it with care and love, and then the flower will blossom. Don’t worry when sometimes it seems that something is wrong in the relationship. Just as the tree sheds its old leaves in autumn and new leaves come to replace them in spring. All the disagreements and arguments get solved with time.

4. Communication is a must in every relationship

Communication seems to be very difficult, most of the times due to the limitations of language. Especially in the case of feelings, they are difficult to express in any language.

Also, it’s not sure that what you want to speak, the other person perceives it in the same sense. But keep the fear away. Don’t hide your feeling behind the walls of fear. Let them flow through you and express them so the other person gets a chance to know what you have to say.

5. Sharing is a necessity for every human being

Share your feeling without hesitation. Don’t worry about how another person will take it. He or she may react in the starting but soon will understand what just happened. During tough times don’t leave others in the middle of the storm.

When you have somebody, you don’t leave them aside. You are to be with them, by their side. Do stand for them. A number of individuals start behaving intolerably under numerous circumstances; you need to stay calm and help your loved ones to pass through their rough phase. Don’t leave their side because you feel that their responses are unacceptable. Be compassionate and let your heart go out to your dear ones.

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Forgiveness – The Truth

Forgiveness - The Truth

Though there are many theories regarding the origin and the actual meaning of the word forgiveness. However ideologically meaning of forgiveness is “Thoroughly giving without reservation”. It means that to give up on the feelings of hatred and resentment towards someone who wronged you.

Once you forgive others you untie them as well as untie yourself from the bitter feelings you had for them. You cannot punish every single person in your life who has wronged you sometime in your life. Can you? Unequivocally, not. Also, you cannot punish yourself for every single mistake that you have made.

But you may think what about as to what you have learnt since childhood. You may have been educated about how people should be punished for their wrongdoings; the Wrong deed can be anything like hurting people, stealing, breaking the rules, etc.

Also, you must have noticed many times when you desire to do something wrong, you may have stopped midway due to the fear of punishment. I remember one of the most famous idioms “TIT FOR TAT”, what we all have learned in childhood and even liked the idea very much. Thus you have developed the feelings of satisfaction after punishing others.

You at some point in life also got punished by your elders for petty matters like for not doing homework or for talking in the class or for not getting good marks or for teasing other sibling or kids. You learnt to complain about others to the teacher or parents or elders just to see the other person getting punished. And you felt immensely satisfied and enjoyed those moments.

Therefore you developed this pattern of punishing others. Later in life, you want to teach a lesson to every single person who hurts your sentiment and feelings.

But once you actually grow up in life (or in other words once your perception matures and you start to see the real picture) psychologists and healers say that you should learn to forgive as you should not carry grudges within us. It gives us pain if you are unable to forgive. But how is it possible now? This quality is not the part of your personality rather it’s quite the opposite.

Can anyone forgive one’s boss who is rude? No! Rather you want him or her to get punished in any manner. Does anyone feel pity for such a boss if he/she gets sick? Rather you feel that they got punished for being such a rude person to you.

You want to see people getting punished who wrong to you. But this habit of punishing others and urge of teaching them a lesson starts affecting your relationships.  It is possible that when someone says sorry and apologies for any matter, the other person replies “it’s okay. No problem. Don’t do that again”.

But does the person actually forgive? Does he/she not carry that inside them what other person did to him/her? Forgiveness was never there. You start learning how to forgive only for your own gain. When you come to know that this hatred and resentment is giving you pain and taking a lot of your energy. You decide to forgive others.

If you keep on punishing others you punish yourself too by keeping this negative energy inside you. Negative energy needs more power than a positive one. Negative energy is like a parasite that feeds off you and consumes your inner peace and tranquility. You tend to be rude, impatient and easily irritated on petty matters and everyone around you slowly starts to drift away from you and no one likes a person who behaves such way.

You start filling your life and relationships with bitterness. Slowly over time, you become lonelier and you become even more irritated. Thus you fall into a vicious trap. Thus it is imperative that you learn this quality of forgiveness as soon as possible to attain serenity.

Forgiveness is freeing yourself from the feelings of bitterness towards others. The others may include your parents or life partner or friends to whom you love so much. The more a person is closer to you, the more are the chances of you getting hurt from their behavior. The more hatred you grow for them when they behave in an unexpected manner.

This above is a practical ideology for forgiveness. You want to learn forgiveness because of your own good. You want to forgive people so that you don’t feel hurt anymore. But are you really aware of the truth?

If you really can dare then peel the layers of emotions and go to the bottom of these layers

Forgiveness is used in a very wrong sense, for a very wrong purpose. It is deceiving. It suppresses your pain and creates an illusion in your thoughts you that you are free from pain, hatred, and resentment related to the concerned person. If you really want to heal yourself then find out the truth behind those feelings. Go into the depth from where this hatred and resentment is coming.

These negative feelings have nothing to do with the other person. These are your feelings. You must be the center of it. But you mistakenly hold other people guilty for your emotions. At the center of all these feelings, it’s you. You are feeling hurt and betrayed.

The other person may have only done something what he/she felt is right. He/she may feel the same about you that you have hurt the other person. This is mutual. The other person may feel the same as you feel for the other person. If you get to the bottom then you will find that both of you have longed for your own imaginary desires from each other, but you both got something else.

As a result, you both start feeling betrayed. Look at it with other perspectives that you also failed to behave in a certain pattern as desired by the other. But when it’s about you then you will say I behaved best according to my intelligence. However, your best didn’t match another person’s expectations. Same has happened with you.

Everyone is at mistake here. You miss the truth. You don’t live in reality but in the imaginary world. In true form, no one is right or wrong. No one is at fault. You fail to accept others as for who they are. They also fail to accept who you are. But before expecting from others to realize this truth, you must know the truth yourself. You also miss the opportunity to discover the truth as you cover up your emotions with “forgiveness” kind of imaginary words. You don’t dare to go deeper to discover the truth.

The truth is that you have no right to forgive someone and no one deserves to be forgiven and vice versa. Every one has right on his/her own life including you. They are not bound to behave in a certain expected way just to oblige others. You play your part, they play theirs. The utter truth is that no one can forgive, no one can be forgiven.

Mind it, that from your perspective others can be wrong but from others point of view he/she can be right and not at fault. For eg – You may feel that your boss is rude but your boss may be thinking that he is behaving professionally and he/ she doesn’t want to involve any emotions with the profession. People have different views on life and act according to their own perspective on life.

When you decide to forgive someone then following three things happen

First

before you agree to forgive someone, you have to accept it first that the other person is at fault. Which is not true. The other person may feel the same about you that you were at fault. So who will decide? This is something which can not be decided because everyone thinks in their own way. You both can have a different view of the same matter.

He/she did something that they felt right, you did something that you felt right. You have no right on other’s feelings or actions. It’s their own choice. When you start expecting from others you are interfering with their freedom. If you think that you are right and other is wrong, then it’s your choice to think that way.

Other’s actions are none of your business

They can choose what they want in life. So nobody is truly at fault here. Therefore no question arises to forgive. Still, if you feel that there is a need for forgiveness then you are falling for a never-ending internal conflict. You yourself are creating trouble. If you feel hurt because of your loved one’s behavior then it’s your own fault. Why do you expect anything from others? Keep your expectations at the bay when loving someone.

Love happens only when you surrender yourself

and when you surrender there are no chances of a conflict. However, when you are in love you create an image of this person in your mind. If the person does not behave according to this image, your mind gets shaken. If the person does according to the image then your mind applauds. So who is creating an image of the other person without him/her knowing about it? Still, you keep on blaming him/her if anything goes wrong. You live in the illusions, fantasies created by the outside world, whose fault is that?

Second

if you deny this above truth then forgiveness can never happen. As you have already assumed and declared that the other person is at fault. Forgiving someone will be like that you have proven someone’s offense and given the sentence at first; later just decreased his/her punishment. You just keep on inviting troubles and blame others for that. You tie yourself with other person’s actions and later blame them for your pain.

Third

Forgiveness is an act just to fulfill one’s ego. You pamper your ego by saying somebody that “I forgive you or someone”. It’s all a game of “Ego”.  Just to feel on the top of the chain of incidences. You want to feel superior. How dare can one hurt you and leave without getting punished? You want to show your power. Forgiveness is also a kind of punishment as you are making other people realize that despite her/his fault you are ready to forgive; you are such a big-hearted person. Next time when you find this desire to forgive someone then look inside you whether there is an ego waiting to get accomplished. Also, ask yourself who are you to forgive someone. Who is it that wants to forgive? Is it you or your ego?

Therefore when everyone is doing what they truly are, then how can they be wrong. Everyone behaves at their best according to their nature, according to what existence has made them; then how can you say that they are at fault. If you still think that they are at fault, then so are you.

Because you also behave according to your very true nature. Then you must be wrong too. So next time whenever you feel that someone is doing wrong to you then look inside from where it comes. Hold onto that moment and go to discover the truth; the truth of your emotions where ‘Centre is you’.

Once I joined a group with my friends called “emotional wellness”. There everyone was asked to write about one person who has affected their life most. Most of them wrote about their mothers. In the starting of the paragraphs, everyone wrote how much they love their mothers. But later they wrote how they blame their mothers for destroying their lives and how much they hate her about it. Then they were asked to release those feelings and forgive their mother. But how it can be possible. They were carrying these feelings for so long time and they will carry these for the rest of life.

No one went to find the truth. Everyone just followed the instructor who was holding the group. They were too astonished to find their true feelings for their mother. They felt so overwhelmed with their own response to this question. They thought they have discovered the truth but this was only one layer, what about other layers? No one thought about it. They just fell in the trap of illusions.

You may have different views on this scenario. Let’s discover the truth in this incidence. A mother always does best for her child according to her intelligence. No mother wants to harm her own child. These people forgot that the same mother had kept them in her womb for 9 months which itself is herculean experience in itself. Those mothers took care of them all the time while ignoring her own-self.

They kept their child’s needs on the top priority of everything. They nurtured the child, provided everything they need, and prepared them to live in the world. They do their best according to their knowledge. Every mother is unique. But when the child grows up, she/he starts comparing the mother with her own imaginary mother. Imaginary mother is not the reality but the child wants the mother to behave in a certain way according to the image. How can it be possible? Mother will do according to her true self. How can she live up to the expectations of such an imaginary persona? However, the child fails to see the truth here and blames the mother for not looking after her properly.

The mother is everything to the child until the child can’t imagine. Once the child starts imagining the same mother becomes responsible for her failures. The truth is that it is your own habit of imagining people in a certain way who is at fault. So stop creating an image in your mind for people around you. Stop feeling hatred and resentment for someone for being his/her true self, but appreciate them for helping you to find out the truth behind your own emotions. These people give you the opportunity to discover the truth. You will never feel hurt after you realize this truth. To reach this truth “Meditation can show you the path”.

Why don’t marriages work?

Why don't marriages work

Gone are the days when marriage was a lifelong commitment. Broken marriages are a new part of society. What an irony, divorces are in trend. People start thinking about the terms and condition to be applied in case of divorce in the future at the time of the wedding itself. Many people enter into marriages with the thought that if I am not happy then I can take divorce anytime. Marriage has become a “Trial and Error” concept. It’s not a commitment anymore. If one of the partners is abusive and violent then it’s a different scenario. It’s a serious matter. No one should live in such marriages but what about the rest.

Some people even take divorce because his wife doesn’t cook well or his wife earns more than him, or the husband doesn’t earn much or doesn’t help with household chores. Sometimes both partners feel that there is no spark left between them like in the early days of a relationship. They lose charm and interest in marriage. This then leads them towards divorce. Few couples always focus on do’s and don’ts to save their marriage. They forget to check “why their marriage is not working”. Once you know where the problem is it’s easy to solve the problem.

So let’s find out what can be the reason which can force you to end your marriage:

Ego

Here is the devil; the big “I”. These days everyone has a huge ego. Everyone thinks that he/she is the best. He/she is always right. Ego is all about excessive self-importance and selfish behavior. Relationships are mostly affected by this ego. As every person feels that he/she is the most important than the other. Everyone thinks “I am always right”; “I deserve to be happy”; “My happiness matters more than the others”; “the other person should always agree to what I say”.

When an argument happens between couples, none of them wants to keep the ego aside and listen to what the other person is saying and feeling. Marriage is about loving each other. But if ego is there then love can’t happen. And without love, marriage does not stand a chance. Ego leads to arguments, disagreements, and anger towards each other. Everyone thinks that the other person should bend down. We care only about ourselves. We don’t pay any heed to what the other person is going through.

Letting go

We have not been taught the art of letting go. We take everything personally, what others say. If we get into argument or have a fight with someone, we don’t forget these bitter experiences. We keep on carrying them with us. We don’t let it go. We don’t release those memories. Anger is suppressed. Slowly, over time, these bitter memories collect inside us. Until one day it becomes an erupting volcano and blasts.

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