A love relationship is an intrinsic part of life. You cannot live without one, and ironically, it is challenging to live in one as well. Why does it become difficult to live with the one you so much? To know the answer, let’s go back to the point where it all begins, in our teenage years.
Before all begins
Once a kid enters adolescence, it becomes natural to feel attracted to the opposite sex. At this blooming age, a person is shy so as not to share his/her feelings with others. If someone keeps the shyness at bay and tries to share the feelings, the other person’s advice can be quite disheartening. Due to the biological and hormonal changes, every teenager seems to have similar feelings of emptiness, loneliness, and aggressiveness.
As a result, the immense desire to find a partner reaches its height. This desire reaches such a stage that you fall for the first person you feel attracted to. You happen to start dreaming your entire life with that person. You even begin to daydream about the minute details, like your future home or the color of walls you would like to have.
This longing for a perfect partner can be overwhelming when someone finally comes into your life. It all seems like a dream comes true.
Hey, stop right there!
Take a pause.
Beware before you feel flying high in your love story, take a glance at yourself first.
You are still carrying that emptiness in you, what are you going to give another person? Do you even understand yourself when you are expecting others to understand you? Do you love and respect yourself? What kind of relationship do you have with your own self?
Let’s explore what can be done before you make a long list of failed relationships and how to work on yourself.
Fall in love with yourself before you start a love relationship
Your love relationship should not be the result of your emptiness and loneliness. It should happen when you are filled with love and overflowing with it. When you want to share that overflowing love, You don’t need someone else to fill your need for love. You don’t have to find someone who completes you. You are complete in yourself. Relationships should be based on sharing your care, love, and compassion, not trivial pieces of gratification.
You cannot give somebody what you don’t even have yourself. So, to give, you must have it in yourself first.
Start your love journey with yourself. Love yourself for what you are and who you are. You should be the reason for your happiness. If you do so, you won’t feel unhappy when the other person is not around you. Don’t beg for love and happiness from others, for who knows, they might also be beggars who are expecting the same from you. When you love yourself, your partner feels the same love energy for you. And that makes you even more loving.
If you have not reached your individuality, how do you expect to propose to someone you love? You need to find your roots first. Do not enter into a relationship unless you have explored yourself.
Now, the question arises about how to attain individuality.
Understand individuality first. Every person on the earth is unique. You have your own qualities, desires, path. This all together makes you an individual. You need to explore your inner world. You must know your emotions, your potential, and most importantly, your state of mind. Bring awareness to your actions.
Not just your love relationship, other aspects of life are significant too
You must have other parts too in your life other than your relationship. You must get involved in your things too, which are part of you, like your hobbies, your work, your friends. Many people put so much of themselves in the relationship that they start feeling exhausted and their partners start feeling overwhelmed.
Don’t burn your energy out and don’t knit your life around one relationship. By overdoing some people feel like being used in a love relationship.
Relationships are needed for every human being and so is individuality. So don’t get disconnected from other aspects of your life and relationships.
It is quite normal if you feel your significant other as your priority. But keep other things active in your life as well.
Understand your emotions
Knowing your emotions doesn’t merely mean to know how you react to a certain thing, but to know where these emotions come from. Biologically emotions are chemical reactions in the body. You can read more about emotions in another article. Do practice meditation.
Before entering into a love relationship ask yourself,
“Why do I want this relationship?”
“What do I have to bring into this relationship?”
“Am I a happy person?”
“Do I love myself?”
“Have I already reached my full potential?”
“Do I even understand myself?”
“Do I have enough resources to support myself financially ?”
These questions may sound a lot, but numerous things impact your emotional wellbeing.
After you have answers to these questions and you understand your emotional wellbeing, only then consider entering a relationship. If you are a miserable person then you will definitely make your partner the same as you. And to be honest, such a person will sabotage his/her relationships.
We all should be responsible for our well-being.
We should not put the responsibility for our own emotions on others. You should not blame others for what you feel.
Instead, do things that make you happy. Make a place for everything in your life alongside your lover. Also, keep in mind that when love happens nothing else fancies you. Yet you should learn to be involved in other activities too, like, your work, a morning routine, exercise, or visiting a mall. Do not skip those kinds of stuff which you always love to do. Keep yourself happy. A happy person makes any relationship full of joy.
Constant love is the key of your love relationship
Anyone who has ever gone through heartbreak can understand it better. When your significant other breaks up with you, it feels like you will never be able to love anyone else ever again.
After a certain period, when the pain diminishes, wounds are healed, and all of a sudden someone enters your life out of the blue and you start feeling the same for him/her.
Have you ever questioned, where this love comes from? Definitely not. When you are under the spell of love, you cannot be in your senses. All you think of is about this other person. You can’t help but fall in love again.
‘Love’ which resides in you.
Love is a feeling, it is always there inside you. It doesn’t depend on others.
The other person is just an object, love is the subject. The problem starts when you put all your focus on the object, not the subject. When you don’t cherish the love, but the person. Love is your feeling, how can it be dependent upon others. Love is constantly flowing in you.
You make it painful by making it objective. When you are overflowing with love, you are naturally bound to spread it. If the other person comes into your space, you share it with him/her. And if the other person leaves, your love within you still remains there.
Many of us give this authority to others that they can make us feel good, bad, low, or on top of the world.
But who can we blame?
Children are forced to behave in a certain manner by their parents or teachers. Therefore since childhood, we learn to give the authority to others to tell us what we are or who we are. There might be a few exceptions to this. Forget about all those things you had to put up with since childhood. Now you have grown up and you can make your own choices.
So make a choice now. Begin with the affirmation to respect yourself.
Remember if you can’t respect yourself, don’t expect others to do that for you.
Learn to respect yourself as an individual. Value your choices. You have your desires and you have all the rights to make a choice. Others have no right to make you feel down for your choices and your individuality.
If someone can’t respect you, that person doesn’t deserve your precious love. Show the same respect to yourself as you would to others. It’s even psychologically proven that people who are unsatisfied with themselves, don’t respect others. You don’t have to feel bad for leaving a disrespectful person. Respect yourself and others will respect you.
I hope this can bring a change in your life. If you don’t understand yourself and have started walking on the path to knowing others, you are risking your love relationship. Instead of falling for others, fall in love with yourself first. Instead of blaming others for your failed relationships, take responsibility, and make the right choices. Not for others, but for your own sake. Some of us keep on falling in and out of love relationships and take no time to understand what is happening in them.
Instead of focusing on molding others according to your choices, work on yourself, cherish the relationship with yourself and other relationships will fall into proper place by themselves. Take some time out alone with yourself and work on yourself. Stop focusing on others, but focus light on yourself too. Enjoy being you.
Celebrate your relationship with yourself. Once you do it, other relationships will join the celebration too.